What Does It Look Like to Reach the End of Yourself?
About two days before the new year, I felt tired in a way that rest alone couldn’t fix, not just physically tired, but soul-weary. I decided I would take the rest of the week off. It sounded reasonable. Necessary, even. But when I prayed, I sensed clearly that it wasn’t time to withdraw; it was time to nourish my soul.
I realized something uncomfortable: I had been allowing my circumstances to overtake me. I felt disappointed that I didn’t get to do all the things I wanted to do for my children during the holiday season. That disappointment slowly turned into heaviness. I started waking up later than usual, and my motivation dipped. Ironically, I am someone who regularly encourages and motivates others, yet in that moment, I needed encouragement myself.
A friend from our community began sending me motivational quotes from a book she was reading. They were timely and thoughtful, but I brushed past them, choosing instead to push forward with my own plans. Then small things started going wrong. A spray handle broke. The dustpan cracked. I almost lost my phone. I became forgetful and scattered.
These weren’t just coincidences.
They were symptoms.
The problem wasn’t exhaustion.
The problem was self-abandonment.
What Is Self-Abandonment, Really?
Many of us have experienced disruptions in recent months or years: the death of a loved one, job loss, breakups, health challenges, accidents, natural disasters, or sudden crises. In those moments, we pray. We plead the blood. We rebuke the enemy. Yet sometimes, nothing seems to change.
That can feel confusing and deeply discouraging.
But God is not asleep. He has not abandoned us. He is still present, especially in times of trouble. These disruptions do not come from Him, but they often reveal something important. They expose areas where we have neglected our true calling or where God is inviting us to change our focus.
When God saved us, it wasn’t just so we could sit comfortably in the light. He gave us promises, dreams, visions, and assignments. Yet many of us end up following culture, tradition, or the voices of others—even well-meaning family members—instead of following God. We begin living from the outside in, carrying the weight of the world, instead of living from the inside out.
Ignoring what God has placed within us is one of the deepest forms of self-abandonment.
Who Are We Beneath Everything We Do?
I often ask this question in our group and within my own family: Who are we at our core? If everything were stripped away the job, the house, the car, the clothes, even our roles as parents who would we be?
This is not a theoretical question.
The story of Job is not just a Bible fable. It is happening today in our society. People are being stripped of what once defined them. When that happens, what comes out of us? Do we grow bitter? Do we curse people—or God? Do we ask, “How could a good God allow this?” Or do we pause and ask a harder question: If God allowed this, what is He trying to teach me, about me?
Who am I?
Our first ministry is to ourselves. If we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we will spend our lives chasing identities that were never meant to sustain us. And as a result, we cannot be the best version of ourselves for the people who depend on us.
Can Growth Become a Subtle Form of Self-Rejection?
In my very first blog on the sanchlovelife platform, I once asked a colleague what she thought I was good at. She said I loved fashion and parties. Her answer embarrassed me. I thought it sounded shallow. So I went searching for something more “meaningful.”
That search led me to pursue a PhD—a childhood dream. It led me to write a book about that experience and to start blogging. With no mentorship, just quiet nudges from within, I eventually discovered my purpose in writing. But somewhere along the way, I misunderstood something important.
We are always in purpose. Purpose grows with us.
At one point, I abandoned the sanchlovelife platform to start another blog focused on knowledge and growth (this platform). While that blog had value, I wasn’t meant to abandon the first one. Sanchlovelife was rooted in family, friendship, celebration, healing, and living a life we love. By walking away from it completely, I wasn’t just changing direction, I was abandoning part of myself.
The truth is, I love fashion. I love parties. I love food, adventure, and knowledge. God never asked me to reject any of those things. Each was meant to be an addition, not a replacement. He asked me to acknowledge Him in them; to use my natural talents, lived experiences, and spiritual gifts together.
For years, God patiently taught me a simple but profound truth:
Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.
That order matters.
God first.
Then self (in Him).
Then family and friends.
Then work (what we are born to do).
Then job (what we have the skills to do).
Who Is the “Self” in Self-Abandonment?
When we are single, life can feel simpler. Before I was married or had children, I genuinely did not understand why people wanted to get married. Nothing about it appealed to me. Even now, some of my high school classmates say they never imagined I would be married or have children.
I grew up in a single-parent home and was fulfilling dreams on my own. I didn’t want anyone to hinder that.
That mindset felt independent, but it was also self-centered. I wasn’t considering the will of God for my life.
When we are single, the “self” may be just us—or us and the community God has placed around us. That family is not always biological. When we are married, the “self” expands to include our spouse and children. This is why we must know ourselves, so we understand our roles and do not diminish ourselves for another.
Contrary to popular sayings, in the Kingdom of God we do not marry into someone else’s family—we create a new one, one that models Kingdom values. Discernment and communication are essential to understand and articulate these boundaries.
Do we know our core values—our Kingdom values—whether we are single or married?
Why Do Disruptions Keep Showing Up?
For any dream or assignment to come to fruition, the right timing, people, and place must align. That alignment cannot be forced; it is guided by the Holy Spirit.
Sometimes His prompting feels like exhaustion, restlessness, or an internal nudge we can’t quite explain. It doesn’t always mean changing locations. Often, it means a shift in mindset or a transition into a new season. When we resist or ignore that prompting, disruptions often follow—not as punishment, but as redirection.
Over the last ten years, I have experienced many seasons of uncertainty. I now see that God was preparing me for ministry.
Recently, I was waiting for a credit card to support one of my ventures. When it finally arrived, I activated it—and lost it the same day. Years ago, that would have sent me spiraling into frustration and tears. This time, I grieved, but I also recognized what was happening. I named it: self-abandonment. And because I could articulate it, it no longer had power over me. When we continue to abandon ourselves, it leads to self-sabotage.
It is one thing to know we are abandoning ourselves.
It is another thing to know which part of ourselves we are abandoning.
What Happens If We Don’t Grieve Properly?
Disruptions often bring grief, and grief looks different for everyone. But when we don’t allow ourselves to process it properly, unhealthy behaviors creep in. We self-sabotage. We do the opposite of what is required of us. That is where the enemy slips in quietly, just as he did with Jesus—through the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.
We compare ourselves to others.
We grow envious.
We chase empty pleasures.
We refuse to ask for help.
In subtle ways—through our thoughts, words, and actions—we begin to “kill” what God has placed within us or within others. Sometimes the help we need is already available, but pride keeps us from asking. We pretend we have it all together. We cope by working harder, not smarter, or we settle into systems and molds that were never meant for us.
And we get stuck.
The burden was never meant for us to carry alone.
Do we know where our help comes from?
How Do We Heal from Self-Abandonment?
Jesus gives us a clear instruction:
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33)
There was a season when I neglected my spiritual life because I was seeking help primarily from people. I stopped praying consistently. I stopped writing. I was showing up for others—outside of my calling—while quietly abandoning myself.
Then came a major disruption.
Healing began when I returned to daily time with God. I soaked in His Word. I journaled. I listened. The heaviness lifted. Strength returned. I began using spiritual gifts I didn’t even know I had.
Spirit-led self-care is essential. This is not about pampering the flesh; it is about nurturing the soul through prayer, Scripture, and obedience to the Holy Spirit. Living from God-aligned core values protects us from cycles of self-abandonment.
When we neglect our calling, we abandon ourselves.
When we align with God’s Spirit, we protect our identity, purpose, and joy.
Where Do We Actually Find Life?
Jesus says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.”
There was a time when I chased success in my own strength. Degrees, titles, and recognition looked impressive, but they felt empty. I was living by culture’s definition of success, and inside I was weary.
True success did not come from striving; it came from surrender. I needed a heart transplant. I resisted at first, but God was patient. I learned that abundant life is not about what we gain—it is about who we walk with.
When we cannot hear God through His Word—whether because of unbelief, fear, or distraction—He sometimes teaches us through life itself. Through disruptions. Through stillness.
We were never meant to live by culture, tradition, or the approval of others. Self-abandonment disconnects us from the Source of life. But God’s promise remains: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
The way back is surrender.
Seek His Kingdom first.
Walk in His Spirit.
Trust Him with your whole self—body, soul, and spirit.
With grace and growth,
Sanchia and Team
Reflection
Take a moment today to reflect:
- Are you trusting God in uncertainty?
- Are you caring for your soul through His Word?
- Are you seeking life in Him—or in people and things?
Self-abandonment is not your story anymore. There is a better way, and it begins by returning to the One who never left.
A Gentle Invitation
If this message resonated with you—if you recognize areas where you may have abandoned yourself, your calling, or your God-given identity—you don’t have to walk that journey alone.
Through my coaching work, I empower individuals to realign their lives with God’s truth, their values, and their purpose. Together, we identify what has been neglected, name it without shame, and create pathways forward.
If you feel stirred, curious, or ready for deeper alignment, I invite you to reach out. Sometimes healing begins with a single, honest conversation. You were never meant to abandon yourself. It’s not too late to come home.
Audio version
We can access the audio version here.
Podcast
Please listen to our podcast Be Still And Grow Together, Seeking The Kingdom Of God.